March 2005
Here's a link someone sent me. It's Pirate Booty Productions, but I'm adding it anyway so I can say I added something new here recently.
There can be some really weird and disgusting porn, out there. Of course, this is to be expected, considering that weird and disgusting people have to have something to do. For example, there's the ultra-messy bukkake. My friend, Jessica, summed it up quite nicely by saying, "I could never let a guy splooge on my face like that. I would just have to tear his thing off." Indeed... Then there's the rarely-talked-about pirate porn (Okay, so I made this one up.). For those of you who don't immediately see why this is weird and/or disgusting, imagine an old crusty guy with an eye-patch, saying, "Yargh, who's yer captain?" And of course, there's the most misunderstood of them all, cartoon porn. Zach Stroum (Shaw Island) wrote a defense for this much-disliked genre. Using the word "genre" when referring to porn sounds like I'm giving the adult industry way more respect than they deserve. Anyway, here's an excerpt of what Zach wrote:
There HAS to be pirate porn! my roommate and I suddenly had this urge
to go find pirate porn, and we've been looking all other the place. Even
the guys with 20, 30 gigs (I'm not making this number up; these guys are
are serious porn collectors) of porn don't have any PIRATE porn. Pirate
porn could be great, it doesn't have to be an old guy in an eye patch.....
Posted by Queen Mab @ 02.05.02 11:10 pm
Crazy as it sounds, I actually found this page because I was searching
for pirate porn.
Posted by Joe the loser @ 08.10.02 03:32 am
There IS pirate porn! With lots of YUMMY guys too, not just pretty girls.
It's called Conquest
by Wicked Pictures starring Jenna Jameson, Vince Voyur and Alex Sanders...trust
me, ladies, THIS is what pirate porn was meant to be! Even if poor Alex
*does* say "Argh" once or twice, he's beyond hot!
Posted by Fae @ 10.03.02 10:47 pm
WOW, i can't believe there is a page about pirate porn. I am obsessed
with pirates, they are fantastic. I will look up that video, thanks for
the suggestion fae!
Posted by doctea @ 11.10.02 09:32 pm
Dude, what's the link for the pirate porn?
I need to see some hot pirate chicas
Posted by Pirate Pete @ 12.04.02 05:09 pm
I'm also guilty of finding this site in search of pirate porn :(
Posted by Stitch @ 03.09.03 12:10 am
I too am guilty of finding this page in a search for pirate porn...*sigh*
yargh.
Posted by Kelly @ 03.13.03 08:47 pm
YARGH! Just so ya know, there is pirate porn! But it involves killing women if they don't give good head! some of us lose our balls in the process when we dont have enough money to pay the hookers! ARRRRRRRRRGGGHHH. Pirate chicks are hairy and beautiful! FUCK YOU! i'll see you aboard me galleon, The S.S. Ahab P. Fucking S. the ahab is a sexual move based on the greatest pirate to ever live, Captain Ahab.
While fucking your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent
reason. When she turns around for an explanation, she notices you've jumped
off the bed onto a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand,
cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out
of the house and down the street while yelling, "You're not getting away
from me this time, White Whale!"
Posted by Jim the Him, pirate porn star @ 03.30.03 12:09 am
Pirate Porn is great because it’s the only place where you can see fat guys in striped red and white shirts, with eye patches and parrots, banging young girls while screaming “ARRRRR!” and “SHIVER ME TIMBERS!”. Pirate porn has become the number one pirate-related joke between my friends and I, and has thankfully replaced our old favourite, which went something like this:
Q: Did you hear about the new movie about pirates?
A: It was rated ARRRRRR!
I love that one.
The following is taken from the website Life in the Pink
Emily and I have decided what we're going to do when we graduate. We're going to be pirates. Ass Pirates. We're going to build a big boat and call it the Good Ship Fisting, and sail the seven seas striking fear into the asses of men and women everywhere.
We've been telling everyone about it. We have kind of a routine worked
out.
Em or Cyn: We've decided what we're going to do with our lives!
Cyn or Em: We're going to be pirates!
Cyn and Em in unison: Ass Pirates!!!
It's great. You kind of have to see it live to truly appreciate it.
I'm going to have an eye patch, and Em's going to have a hook hand. And we're going to have a parrot. We need to think of a name for the parrot, so if you know the names of any gay porn stars, you should tell us. Also, if you know where we can get gay pirate porn, hook us up.
We're looking for a good ass pirate crew, so if you're interested in joining us on the Good Ship Fisting, let us know!
Pirate porn, ladies and gentlemen:-----
Scarlet Letters hooks me up, as usual. Check out hot lesbian pirate porn.-----
Why is there no gay pirate porn to be found? Butt Pirate.Com is Navy guys, not Pirates! It's blatent false advertising, and it makes me sad.
What's the Lesbian Doing in my Pirate Movie?
Synopsis: It’s an all-girl gropefest of the first order when sexy Shelby Stevens shimmies her way onto the set of a swashbuckler flick. There’s more Sapphic sexing than you can shake a sword at as the gals from the cast and crew provide Shelby with a tongue-tastic welcome. It’s a pretty silly premise, but it all comes together in the end(s). And with some of the tastiest starlets in the business on hand you just know that you’re in for a lascivious lap-fest sure to row your boat. Shelby is as scrumptious as ever, with a curvy feast of a bod that gets its fair share of licks in as she wends her way through the carnal caverns of the set. One nice feature of this feature is the nice variety of women they’ve cast. There are a nice mix of looks, from the sultry brunette spice of Sophia Ferrari to the supple grace of Bunny Bleu. And Brooke Waters turns in a red-hot rip-snorter of a performance that’s sure to raise more than just eyebrows. These passionate privateers keep the temperature high from start to finish and keep Shelby squirming for more. So climb on board, because this salacious ship is setting sail for the limits of lesbian lust.
Do you know how to find Pirate Porn?
Let
us know, and we'll document your quest.